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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Being a Daddy

As I tuck in my little boy and we say his bedtime prayers he looks up at me as asks for me to lay down with him. He's at that age where his imagination is running rampant and having Daddy there helps calm his anxiety. I think of all the things I need to do before bedtime but all I say in answering him is, "of course I will". You see, I realized early on that I never want to be able to say I wish I would have done this or that or taken the time to do something with my little boy or baby girl. I know I'll still think of them in that way even when they are older. I don't want to ever regret not taking the time to be there when they need me to make the scary things go away, or catch them when they're bouncing too close to the edge of the bed, or being pushed around by an older kid. You see, that's my real job. It 24/7 and pays better than anything else I've had.
The adoration, friendship, playfulness and Love I receive from them make all the backaches from pony rides and bounce on daddy games worth it! It's the most rewarding, caring, wondrous, and heartbreaking job a person could have and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I get heartbroken everytime I think of them getting older and more independent and eventually creating their own life, a life with me on the sidelines. At the same time it's that responsibility to raise them so they may grow independent that is the cornerstone of raising children. What an oxymoron! It's like winning the lottery as long as you give it away, but we do get to watch them grow and become older, bigger, smarter, and hopefully a person that is better than we are. That is one of the rewards for doing a good job at being a Daddy. To hear your child say they want to be just like you is the best compliment in the world. Hearing about how much fun they had going out running errands or helping you complete a project is the affirmation that stays in your memory. To have you little boy come up to you and say, "Daddy, will you play trains with me?" is a feeling of pride that your son thinks you are cool to play trains with. Well, it's time for me to look in on him. It's just another thing in a long list of things I don't ever want to miss out on. It also give me an appreciation of what my parents went through (and still do) and go through every time our visit has ended and we have to return to our own home 5 states away.

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